Summer Grades, and the Drinking’s Easy

At lunchtime squirting and stirring the purple energy concentrate into the ice water from breakfast, having woken up too early thanks to the housebroken though leaky diapered beagle pup (we suffer his rare condition despite the studies that say the surgery’s so expensive and unreliable you might as well put the dog down), I feel the first kick of that mindset so treasured among chronic graders of papers: the wired, heady resolve to blast through the payload–a mere near-week after the deadline–while knowing dead-certain this effort will last the weekend–and then, bless it, starts two weeks of summer camp for the littlun. By which point who knows, maybe I’ll have dispatched the assignments and can throw my highlighted rubrics at every single discussion post just a day or two late while receiving definitely fewer than a dozen student inquiries about asterisks in their gradebooks and then BAM–I can write another blog post and practice German. “Die Welt ist voller Widerspruch.”

Being = Grading

It’s time to rant incoherently online; I’ve earned it, damn it. So, to interrupt the latest and possibly-most-ridiculous Trump shitstorm (i.e. Comey-firing) as well as my own ill-fated, all-week & late-night Final Grades marathon, I’d like thank the following, without which I would’ve spent these days hollering unprofessional unpleasantries at my laptop: Coffee-M.I.A.-coffee-Slayer-coffee-M.I.A., as well as my drumset sitting nearby in my study for when I catch a plagiarist. And, now that there’s no hope in hell I’ll meet my deadline: Lana Del Rey…and merlot. (I am more specific on the wine than the coffee. Why?) See I’m at the point where, in a comment to a Texas student’s essay on Open Carry, I find myself searching Mary Karr’s badass memoir “The Liar’s Club” for that line about how every Texan knows how to…well, here it is: “In Texas any four-year-old knew you didn’t point a firearm at a live creature unless you wanted it dead. Even a busted, empty gun got handled like a snake.” (And then the author’s mother spends the next epoch pointing an unnecessarily swanky pistol at her drunken husband while deflating him with a merciless rhapsody on how fucking worthless he is.) So for the moment I’m all for Open Carry in the state that produces such amazing nonfiction lit. And I am, contrary to the style of this rant, quite lucid. But for tonight, I am ceremoniously putting the Presentable Prof. persona to sleep. Am I not entitled to my own verbal diarrhea, posted in public without paragraph breaks, no matter how disingenuously I ponder over it? As a defender of respectable and logical academic discourse, I hereby claim the right to just fucking lose it sometimes. Comma comma comma, citation citation citation.

Cheers,

Prof. A